Why do I find it hard sometimes to trust you, God? Even though I know from experience that you answer prayer in your own time rather then mine, I still struggle with my impatience.
I wonder sometimes if you have already answered me, but with my selective hearing, I have ignored your answer. And if I can’t trust you, God, how can I possibly expect to trust myself or anyone else?
I seem to wander through life, (like we all do), in a constant and continual search of justification for my existence, a reassurance that somehow I have measured up, been accepted and sought after by others, and stamped “approved” by the world.
It’s almost like the person who continuously reads any and all self-help books looking for that one word or sentence that will magically solve all personal problems.
Only now, God, as the years are beginning to leak wisdom, am I finally becoming aware of myself as the cause of most of my discontent. Yes, I still attempt at times to blame others for their selfishness, for ignoring my needs, for disappointing me, for using me, frustrating me, and for generally failing to do what I expect from them.
But I know in my heart that my unspoken demands are simply an expression of my lack of love and my inability to see you in others.
I guess the greatest challenge in life must be learning how to love unconditionally as you ask:
to follow your example in my thoughts, words, and actions. To genuinely do this would be to say “yes” to your love, to be grateful for all that you have given me, and plunge headlong into the ultimate commitment that genuinely responds, “God, I love you too” ...in everyone I meet.
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