Hello again...
Well, with a new year usually goes the encouragement to make a brand new you--a better, lighter, freer, resolved you. Much easier said than done.
A cute cartoon on facebook showed two characters sitting side by side. The one asks the other what a resolution is. The other one says, "It is a promise you make to yourself for the first week of January." Of course, grabbing on to life with the intention of a complete makeover is admirable, but it is probably going to be a failure.The point I'm making, (because I am familiar with failures), is that real change takes place in smaller increments. Change is more likely to be a success if little changes are made into habits. For example, if you want want to drastically turn your stress level down and feel more in control of your life, you are more likely to be successful if you simply work on spending five minutes a day in meditation and "in the moment" awareness while putting your life in perspective with what is really important to you.
Stress is less overwhelming when you can step back and put things into perspective. Try the smaller approach and see if it works for you...
12/20/18
Something a little bit different to remind us in the middle of all the commercial hype why there was a special baby born on Christmas day, who is still teaching us to care...
To the One-Legged Homeless Woman
in the Pouring Rain
Teddy Macker
When I passed you on my way home
I didn't think about you
nor feel a hairs breath of sympathy.
I was talking about someone at work,
how sh'd pissed me off in an e-mail.
"She's so curt," I think I said.
It wasn't untill hours later
while looking at the sky,
a sky whose size unsteadied me,
that I started thinking of you,
you and others like you,
all the human beings on this planet
suffering simultaneously,
the hundreds, thousands, millions...
How incomprehensible, I thought,
standing there on my covered porch
while you stood on one leg
on a traffic median,
hungry and homeless
in a ruined side of Baltimore
in the pouring rain.
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Something a little bit different to remind us in the middle of all the commercial hype why there was a special baby born on Christmas day, who is still teaching us to care...
To the One-Legged Homeless Woman
in the Pouring Rain
Teddy Macker
When I passed you on my way home
I didn't think about you
nor feel a hairs breath of sympathy.
I was talking about someone at work,
how sh'd pissed me off in an e-mail.
"She's so curt," I think I said.
It wasn't untill hours later
while looking at the sky,
a sky whose size unsteadied me,
that I started thinking of you,
you and others like you,
all the human beings on this planet
suffering simultaneously,
the hundreds, thousands, millions...
How incomprehensible, I thought,
standing there on my covered porch
while you stood on one leg
on a traffic median,
hungry and homeless
in a ruined side of Baltimore
in the pouring rain.
*******************************************************************************************
The 10th Fact of Life that can make you a happier person is:
Help is only a prayer away...
Even if you are not religious, you can find comfort and perspective in the above statement. Research has shown that people who attend church on a regular basis are to a certain extent happier then those who do not. Although God already knows what is happening in you life, there can be an increase in personal peace through prayer. Try it...
I hope these areas of life that I have presented over the weeks have helped in some way.
May peace be with you...Jeanne
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Ok., the ninth fact of life that can make you a better and happy
person is:
Knowing that love is an action
It is very easy to tell someone we love them. People do it all the time in a superficial and offhand way when the phrase is used as a Goodbye or as a lighthearted remark such as "Love you guys..." But real, genuine love is a verb in that there is always a way of showing love in addition to simply saying the phrase, "I love you..." To love someone is to wish and to do good for the person. It is a choice that is made to help someone grow as an individual. When love involves mostly or only feelings it is probably an infatuation.
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Number 8 on the list of Facts of life that can make you a happier person:
Every minute can begin a new life.
Sounds too simple doesn't it? But in many ways it is true. By just sorting out priorities and putting things into perspective, a different way of seeing the world can occur.
Also, by just changing your attitude you can experience a whole new way of living. New and better choices can always be made--minute by minute...
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The 7th fact of life that can make you a happier person is this:
Having things in perspective will keep you from going crazy...
To maintain perspective know what is really important to you.Ask yourself what your reason for being alive is; what is your main goal in life, what do you value most, and what kind of person do you want to be...? If you can keep things like this in mind then everything else will fall into place in terms of priority. Situations that might overwhelm can be put into perspective, e.g., "will it really matter tomorrow, next week?" Stress can be radically reduced by putting things into perspective...think about it.
The 6th fact of life that will make you a happier person is,
Realizing that forgiveness means letting go of pain.
We are all hurt at sometime in our lives, usually by someone we think we love or by a situation that involves unfairness of some kind. Often, if we dwell on it, we can become stuck in a very unhappy life. To forgive is to help remove the pain and begin to live again. It may take some time, but forgiving is
almost always the best choice.
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Ok, the 5th fact of life that can make you a happier person is this:
Realizing that you cannot change someone else.
So many people make the mistake thinking that they have some control over another person such as a spouse or a grown adult child. It can be very frustrating when the person doesn't make the changes that you think necessary. And you end up thinking "if only I could love him more," etc. Choices always belong to the individual.
You will feel freer if you can give up the notion of thinking that if only you love enough, you can change the behavior of another. Love them, yes..pray for them, yes...teach them, yes...but realize that any change has to come from choices made by the individual...
The fourth fact of life that can make you a happier person is this:
Enjoyment doesn't cost very much.
You see, how we feel to a large extent follows what we think about. If our thoughts are positive, then we will generally have positive feelings. And if we choose to dwell on the negative...well, you've been there.
There are so many happy elements all around us that we miss every day. And none of them cost anything.We just need a positive attitude and awareness,and maybe a little gratitude.
How do you feel when you imagine things like a cool breeze on a hot summer day, or discovering a rainbow, or watching kindness in others? These are examples of experiences that can lift you up.
So, try opening your eyes and look for positive possibillties...it will be worth it.
(These are examples from my book, Happiness: Hidden in Plain Sight, I have included over 500 instancies of positive experiences, most of which cost nothing or very little.)
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Ok, the next fact of life is one that some people seem to never feel comfortable with. They constantly spend their lives looking for someone who will make them happy. Of course this never works if dependence is on the other person.
The fact is: You are responsible for your own happiness.
All the answers for finding happiness are within you, and they can be found if you begin with self-respect, a sense of personal responsibility, trust in God and self, etc.I once had a stuffed bear that gave messages when the line in his back was pulled out. He would say things like, "You can do it, Teddy-o." That simple sentence that was humorous earlier became a helpful motivator when I was in serious physical therapy recently.So, don't be afraid to become the power source for your own happiness..."You can do it..."
Be good to yourself...
---Jeanne
**********************************************************
Ok, the second fact of life that can make you a happier person is one of the hardest for many people to acknowledge, so take note and think about it. There is freedom behind the following statement:
You are not responsible for anyone else's thoughts,
feelings, or behaviors.
So many people hang on to unnecessary guilt because they feel responsible for a loved one's poor choices. They think, "If only I had..." or "If I were good enough this wouldn't have happened..." You cannot change another person.You can only support and be an example for them. When you are able to understand and accept this fact, you will be free to care at a higher level.
---Jeanne
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Would you go with me on another series that looks at life from a different angle?
It is from 10 facts of life that can make you a happier person. I'll try to explain a little about each one, but what they mean to you is more important....
Ok, this is the first one: You really are unique in all the world. There will never be a person exactly like you again. No one will ever have the same physical features that you have. No one will ever look at life in the same way that you do. No one will ever have the exact same values that you do.
No one will ever have the potential for seeing, doing, and being the best you.
Never underestimate what you can do to make the world a better place.
author unknown
Think about it...
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Don't know if I shared this with you, but you might enjoy seeing it...
The Symptoms of Inner Peace:
---an unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
---a loss of interest in judging self or others ---frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
---losing the ability to worry
---contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
---increased mindfulness and ability to live in the now
---loss of interest in conflict
---increased ability and desire to be kind and loving
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Last question: Please think about this seriously because it refers to the amount of personal control available to you whether you realize it or not.
---How do I create most of my own unhappiness and disappointments in life?
Often, we self sabotage our happiness by placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves or on others. We are then disappointed when things do not work out the way we expected.
Possible action: Consider what might happen if you stopped expecting others to read your mind, to know what you might want, to fulfill needs that you can do for yourself, etc. Consider what it would take for you to be responsible for your own happiness because you really are responsible.
Hope these 10 questions have helped create some insights for you. Please remember that the only time is now. Don't miss it...
week 9
Second last "therapy" question:
---Is it “No demand time”?
We all need regular time periods when we can allow ourselves to just be; where there are no demands, expectations, or obligations; where we can become absorbed in meditation,
quiet or prayer.
Possible action: Beginning today allow yourself at least 5 minutes each day with no demands on yourself. Tell yourself that there is absolutely nothing you have to do during this time. Maybe you could simply listen to the quiet voice of God.
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Week 8
Only a few more insight questions to go. I hope at least one or two has given you a better understanding of part of life. Of course, in a real counseling session there can be many more depending on what is going on with each of us.
So, here is question 8:
Over what do I really have control in a particular situation that is bothering me?
We can expend a considerable amount of energy worrying and attempting to control things when, in reality, we have no control over them. This has a terrible draining effect on our ability to deal with life in a positive way.
Possible action: Ask yourself, “Am I responsible for anything in this situation?” If yes, do your best to solve, to help, etc. If no, let go and trust in God’s providence.
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Week 7
---What do I most need to learn in my life right now?
We all have learning needs at various points in life. New learning can help keep us alive and growing. However, we need to trust in God’s love in order to be open to making positive changes based on what insights we might gain.
What particular situation might be teaching you that can be useful down the road. What positive insights can I gain from an otherwise difficult experience?
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Week 6
How is it going so far? Are you starting to get a better perspective on life?
Have you ever given yourself “peace time,” filled with no demands? Have you ever carefully eliminated all the things you should have done or had to do and replaced them only with what you wanted to do? It’s amazing how much can be accomplished by trying not to accomplish anything. It can feel a little like a grazing horse in a pasture as you smoothly flow from one experience to another, gently chomping off small shoots of fresh living.
Once all of the pressure of striving to finish something is removed, it is much easier to take things one-step at a time. Instead of procrastinating and consequently getting little accomplished, you can be able to simply flow smoothly from one adventure to another. And looking at the day this way can allow you to live in the present, moment by moment. Somehow awareness of good things is amplified when you do this, and you may discover that you have been tripping over happiness in your rush to find the perfect life.
Week 6 Question:---Where in my daily life do I find the greatest sense of peace?
Possible action: Go there…more often!
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Week # 5
---#5 For which of God’s gifts am I most grateful?
So many things in daily life seem important but are not. In one of my books I refer to them as the 'urgent unnecessary'. For example, we might think that attending a particular party or meeting or social event is vital to our life at the moment, but what is really needed might be time spent with another individual or alone.
By asking this question we are forced to look at what is most important in our lives. This is essential for putting things into perspective and out of this order peace will come. Also, gratitude is vital for true inner peace.
***********************************************************
How is it going so far? Are you starting to get a better perspective on life?
Have you ever given yourself “peace time,” filled with no demands? Have you ever carefully eliminated all the things you should have done or had to do and replaced them only with what you wanted to do? It’s amazing how much can be accomplished by trying not to accomplish anything. It can feel a little like a grazing horse in a pasture as you smoothly flow from one experience to another, gently chomping off small shoots of fresh living.
Once all of the pressure of striving to finish something is removed, it is much easier to take things one-step at a time. Instead of procrastinating and consequently getting little accomplished, you can be able to simply flow smoothly from one adventure to another. And looking at the day this way can allow you to live in the present, moment by moment. Somehow awareness of good things is amplified when you do this, and you may discover that you have been tripping over happiness in your rush to find the perfect life.
Week 6 Question:---Where in my daily life do I find the greatest sense of peace?
Possible action: Go there…more often!
***************************************************************************************
Week # 5
---#5 For which of God’s gifts am I most grateful?
So many things in daily life seem important but are not. In one of my books I refer to them as the 'urgent unnecessary'. For example, we might think that attending a particular party or meeting or social event is vital to our life at the moment, but what is really needed might be time spent with another individual or alone.
By asking this question we are forced to look at what is most important in our lives. This is essential for putting things into perspective and out of this order peace will come. Also, gratitude is vital for true inner peace.
***********************************************************
Week #4
How are you doing so far? If you are seriously considering the questions, then they may be helping you to grow in your relationships and personal understanding. Following is the fourth question:
#4--What is my hidden expectation in a particular situation or relationship?
Many times we allow others to unintentionally hurt us by having unexpressed or unrealistic expectations of them that they are unaware of or unable to fulfill.
Possible action: Next time let someone know what you want or need directly. Realize that as much as someone may love you, no one can read you mind or your heart.
*****************************************************
How are you doing so far? If you are seriously considering the questions, then they may be helping you to grow in your relationships and personal understanding. Following is the fourth question:
#4--What is my hidden expectation in a particular situation or relationship?
Many times we allow others to unintentionally hurt us by having unexpressed or unrealistic expectations of them that they are unaware of or unable to fulfill.
Possible action: Next time let someone know what you want or need directly. Realize that as much as someone may love you, no one can read you mind or your heart.
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OK, this week we have question #3 of our free "therapy" questions. I hope you are seriously considering these...
---#3 Of what am I really afraid?
Many times when we are angry, upset, or indecisive, it is because of some hidden fear: e.g. the fear of losing something or someone.
Possible actions: Next time you are experiencing negative feelings, look at what is happening in the situation or relationship. Remind yourself that the phrase “Be not afraid” is expressed 365 times in the Bible.
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---#3 Of what am I really afraid?
Many times when we are angry, upset, or indecisive, it is because of some hidden fear: e.g. the fear of losing something or someone.
Possible actions: Next time you are experiencing negative feelings, look at what is happening in the situation or relationship. Remind yourself that the phrase “Be not afraid” is expressed 365 times in the Bible.
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Below is question #2 in my series of how to feel better and find the happiness that is hidden in plain sight in your life. Together these are the "therapy" questions designed to help put your life in perspective:
---#2 When was the last time I really enjoyed myself?
When we haven’t been taking care of ourselves we can begin to lose touch with positive feelings. It is important to know what we find enjoyable and fun.
Possible action: Picture the last time you were totally absorbed in an enjoyable activity. What did it feel like? Promise to do something good for yourself today.
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Ok. I’m finally back and will be offering FREE “Therapy” in a series of weekly blogs designed to put things in perspective in your life. This is not the type of psychological help that takes you into the past. Instead It will help you look at the present, (the only real time there is), and allow you to make simple changes that can greatly improve your life. I hope you will join me on this easy quest….
(And thank you so much for all of your prayers during my extended physical challenges over the past year. I genuinely appreciate it and know that they helped.)
So, here is the first “How to really feel better” session in the form of a question:
#1 What do I wish would happen in my life right now?
ACTION: Picture in your mind what
you would have if a major problem/obstacle
was eliminated. What positive actions can you
make toward that goal?
(And thank you so much for all of your prayers during my extended physical challenges over the past year. I genuinely appreciate it and know that they helped.)
So, here is the first “How to really feel better” session in the form of a question:
#1 What do I wish would happen in my life right now?
ACTION: Picture in your mind what
you would have if a major problem/obstacle
was eliminated. What positive actions can you
make toward that goal?
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